You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
