I heard we made out
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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