i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
