I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
