the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
