Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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