the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
