I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
