i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
