i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize