Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
