I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
