My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
