There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
