im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
