can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
