its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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