he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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