i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
