Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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