theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
