they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
