I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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