Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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