You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
