2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
