You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
