Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dignity is for republicans.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
