Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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