I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
