ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
