I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
