it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
