two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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