whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
