that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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