We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
