We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
