So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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