I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
