Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
