i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
