I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
