Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize