last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
