I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
