I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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