i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
