hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
