The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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