Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
