Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
