She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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