I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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