So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
