Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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