Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
