Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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