guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
