so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize