have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
