I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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