His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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