Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I intend to get homeless drunk
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
