Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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