Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
