:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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