We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
