do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
