Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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