btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
